Stepping into Your Full Potential with Vivienne Joy | EP283

Ever felt the weight of an inner voice holding you back from stepping into the spotlight? This Mindset & Action podcast episode introduces the wonderful Vivienne Joy, who shares her expertise on overcoming the fear of being seen. Through Viv's insights, we explore the concept of showing up for ourselves in both life and business. She provides a deep understanding of how our inner child, shaped by past experiences, can influence our adult fears and hesitations. Viv opens up about her own journey, showcasing how childhood memories can impact our confidence and offering listeners a roadmap to confront self-doubt head-on.

Join us as Viv unpacks the delicate dance between our inner child and adult self, highlighting how the vulnerable inner child often feels scared, reluctant, and unseen. Whether you’re a business owner or navigating personal growth, Viv provides practical strategies to recognize and overcome the feelings that hold us back, empowering us to assert our presence and pursue our goals with confidence. This episode promises valuable advice and encouragement to help you embrace your true self, harness your power, and show up authentically in all areas of your life.

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Transcript

Donna Eade: 0:30

You're listening to the Mindset in Action podcast, the place to be to grow and streamline your business. I'm your host, donna Eade. Let's jump into the show. Welcome back to the podcast, everybody. We're here for another mini Mindset Monday with the lovely Vivian Joy. Welcome to the podcast, Viv. Hello, hello, hello. Right. We are today talking about showing up for ourselves in our lives, in our business, in every way. I think a lot of times we can be a little shy about stepping forward and being present and being seen, um. So there's a whole lot there that I know Viv will love to dive into. So, viv, talk to us about showing up for ourselves a little shy.

Vivienne Joy: 1:25

I mean understatement of the century, honestly, that's hilarious. A little shy, freaking, terrified. That's probably more accurate. You know a little and I just want to take that phrase, donna. It couldn't be any more accurate and you know, I think you knew because you know I do. I'm going to say but a little shy is the little shy is the little part of us.

Vivienne Joy: 1:44

So typically when we are scared to show up for ourselves or for anyone, actually it's because there's a smaller, younger part of us that's just a bit scared. You know, think about a six, seven year old version of yourself and if you're listening, you can play along. You know that version of you wouldn't have known how to show up for themselves. That's not what we learn until we get a bit older, and even then some people never learn it actually. So therefore they never can do it. But actually we didn't know how to stand up for ourselves and we were talking about asking for what you want. We didn't know how to do that. Then if we were not back, we didn't do that. So that's showing up for ourselves we don't like doing. Think of times when you laid in bed reading because it was nice and safe. That's quite typical for children or playing on their own because they don't ask anybody like.

Vivienne Joy: 2:27

So we get really scared, like the inner child spends a lot of its time is scared. The inner child is what I'm coaching, typically, and scared business owners or, you know, career people. Whoever I'm coaching, it's very rarely the adult self that's scared, because the adult is like, well, I want to achieve this and I'm going to do that and I'm going to you know this, how is it going to feel, whereas the inner child is scared scared of being visible. So it's the inner child that's scared of coming on a podcast. So if you're listening to this, you think, oh, I'd love to be interviewed by Donna. Your inner child will probably go what have you got to say? You couldn't possibly go on there.

Vivienne Joy: 3:00

People might laugh at you and that might come back to something that happened in childhood where you stood up and I mean doing the times tables like I don't think they do it in school anymore. But my god, I've got like real problems from doing my seven times table. I freeze after three sevens, I kid you not. I get to 21, 28 and then I'm not. I thought, oh no. 35, I can do it a bit now 42, oh no, I can, um, but anything. After that I lose the plot because somebody laughed at me and I made that mean that I was no good at maths.

Vivienne Joy: 3:25

As it was, I went on to go into accounting, which is quite hilarious, but so something we've had somewhere in our past makes us scared to not show up as ourselves, which of course we have to do in business. To show up as our business because we're not confident in what we're doing. Show up at the right price maybe. So there's a whole load of not showing up for ourselves. It's a massive subject on it, hours on this, um. So yeah, this is our inner self that's scared. It's our inner self.

Vivienne Joy: 3:51

And now for anybody that doesn't understand in a parent, child, um, and adult states, the inner child typically not always, but most of the time the inner child is scared because, like children are, and then what happens is a slightly older, outer child comes to protect that. So we could have it. Could be that you're the sort of person that says, oh, I'm not doing, it is their loss, I'm not going to do it. That is typically. That's not an adult state, because an adult state has no emotion in that way. That is typically an outer child state.

Vivienne Joy: 4:23

I don't know about you, mine's about 14 and she was a gutsy. She well, don't mess with her, let's put that way. She will just rip you down a peg or two, um. So my 14 year old is very feisty, very bombastic, very out outspoken, um, because she's protecting the 12 year old who was really badly bullied through school and that 12 year old is just terrified of everybody and everything. And still, at 52, that happens. And I have to talk to both versions of myself like that. I know my 12 year old is scared.

Vivienne Joy: 4:54

Oh, you know that when we're talking about getting to the next level of business, like the inner child goes what? No, no, no, no, no, I've just got used to this level. This level was hard enough. Like the adult had to desert me, like he didn't go and do all the stuff you were going to do for the child, like you didn't have the fun and didn't take care of yourself, and like as if you had a real child. It's the same concept. So that poor little inner child is going no, you've deserted've deserted me enough. Don't go to another level. I'll see less of you, I'll get less of you, you won't give me any attention. And what that is is that level of fear inside you. So that outer child is the one that's saying I'm going to do it anyway.

Vivienne Joy: 5:29

And there's a lady I mention her name and she helps people with video, but her herself, that whole business is being run by her outer child. I watch her. She's like I'm this and I'm that and I'm like, no, you're not, but your outer child is. You know, that inner child is really hating on this and you're making her do that. It's like I don't know if you had any. I didn't have any brothers or sisters as I grew up, um, but if you've got an older brother or sister, it'd be like getting the younger sister was really shy and then the older brother who was really, really bombastic, and you're sort of stuck between them as the adult, going blimey, what's going on here? Like I've got one that's terrified and one that's making me do things and I'm sitting there going what? So yeah, it's a bit of a.

Vivienne Joy: 6:08

It's a bit of a mind mess, fair to say, a lot of NLP processes we do. We've got one that is all about getting that inner balance, so working out all these parts of yourself. So if we've got fear and we've got, you know, excitement going on. Sometimes it's very confusing. We've got an internal battle, so that inner conflict, so we've got a process that very quickly sorts that out, because typically all parts of you want the same thing. They're just scared of it or they're excited by it, and there's a whole load of stuff going on. So, yeah, big answer to that question, donna. Um, but that's, you know, a little shy is usually. I'm really scared and it will show up like that.

Vivienne Joy: 6:46

One of the best, um, public speaking talks I ever saw was a lady called Kat. It was years ago and there was a woman. It was a woman's only conference. There's about 400 women in the audience and this girl Kat she was you could tell she was nervous and she got onto the stage and it went silent and I was thinking, oh, blimey. And at the time I was thinking about me it was long time ago, I don't think I'd ever spoken on a big stage like that and I was thinking, blimey, she must be terrified. But she, just, she just leant forward and went wow, you're all a bit scary. And we all laughed and it broke the energy. It was almost like she, she gave herself permission, her inner child to say, actually, I'm scared. And every woman in the audience connected with that yeah, you would be, I would be. And that completely changed everything. She got into her adult state and delivered her talk.

Vivienne Joy: 7:28

So I thought that was really powerful, because we don't allow this, this showing up for self. We don't allow that version of ourselves and even if we do, then we get called a hot mess or you know, we've got all this trauma that we shouldn't show. Everyone's got it and if they haven't, they're in denial and they're hiding it and they've got it cut, you know, trapped in a box waiting to get in. But you know, anybody that's had a life has had experiences that weren't positive, that you know. It's impossible to go through life where everything's positive.

Vivienne Joy: 7:55

So, yeah, that's why. That's why we're scared. We're scared. We're scared of judgment, where we were judged at school for having the wrong shoes on or having the wrong hair. If I'd always had curly hair, believe it or not, I straighten it with an inch of its life now and have done since, an experience I had when I was 19. Uh, you know, we're scared of being too fat, too slim, too studious, too fun, too rebellious, too uh, tall, too short. I mean, you know, you name it. We have this kind of wanting to fit in because then no one picks on us. So, uh, no good in business we need to be picked on because we need to be picked. So it's a really tricky one, very, very hard balance in business because we need to stand out instead of blending in.

Donna Eade: 8:34

Yeah, yeah, it's amazing how we take like things that actually other people would like kill for. Like you know, I would love to be like that, and that would be the one thing that a person is actually trying to hide from the world because they think they shouldn't be as out there and my programs and my thrive.

Vivienne Joy: 8:54

There's a lady there who's really good at expressing her emotions, like she can really cry. She can start crying and finish crying. It's like she's really good at crying and that sounds weird, doesn't it? But she's really allows it, like there's no oh, shouldn't be crying. You know, like some people cry and they're trying to wipe their tears away or they won't allow it. She's really good at crying and, of course, I noticed this and I remember a couple of weeks ago, one of the ladies said to her I really value how you're able to cry. I want to model that behavior which is lovely for me as an nlp, because that's what it's all about, but it's true whereas others just don't even allow it. They'll just go oh, my god, I'm just gonna cry, I'm near to tears, and they'll sort of go through this, all little kind of looking up and flop in their face like they're trying desperately to avoid that emotion. Yeah, where we, we connect with yeah, I know right, we connect with real emotion, like it's emotional.

Vivienne Joy: 9:39

We're allowed to be emotional too, and it's really powerful yeah, so that's showing up for ourselves is showing up as ourselves, not for ourselves as ourselves. And also just going to add this on before we go because if we're not showing up as ourselves, doesn't matter how anyone feels about us, we don't believe it. Because if we show up as someone else and not ourself and someone likes us, we still don't think they like us because they don't know us. That little head will say but if you really knew the real me, you wouldn't like me, in which case you can't win. That's where loneliness comes from, that's where solitude comes from, because even if we're surrounded by people, if we're not being ourself and showing up as ourselves, no one can ever like us.

Donna Eade: 10:19

Embrace the real. You guys Fabulous real.

Vivienne Joy: 10:25

You guys, fabulous at the real, everybody else. If we all just embraced each other and understood each other for being different, nobody would have this problem, would they?

Donna Eade: 10:28

oh gosh, that's a whole another can of worms, isn't it?

Vivienne Joy: 10:32

judy, that's what we are. We're all judgy because our brain has to seek where we're not safe. That's why we judge, so it'll always happen. Oh, I don't ever judge people. I'm like, well, your brain doesn't seek safety then, and I don't know a brain that doesn't.

Donna Eade: 10:45

So somebody's lying somewhere yeah, absolutely couldn't agree more brilliant. Okay, thank you so much for that, viv. Um, as always, viv's information is in the show notes. Go connect with her, go join a facebook group, go and get on the free networking. Maybe I'll see you there. I didn't get a chance to go to the last one, so I'm hoping to get to this one. Um and uh, yeah, we will see you in the next mini mindset, monday, which will be like oh, my goodness, we're like almost in December. Guys, this is crazy. Um, but yes, we are getting close and we have a couple of uh, special episodes coming up towards Christmas as well, so you don't want to miss those. So make sure you subscribe where you listen and we'll see you soon. Bye for now.